Sustainable Business Learning Community Conversations, cont'd.

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Revision as of 15:50, 29 August 2012 by Peggy Brennan (Talk | contribs) (August 23, 2012 Topic: Conflict Resolution)

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August 23, 2012 Topic: Conflict Resolution

Comments from last week's conversation on Guilds:

  • Jeff remarks that we should stop talking about education, and talk about learning instead - because education is a process and experience that eventually ends, but learning never does.
  • Noam wonders how destructive/creative forces get into the guild process when things are always changing?
  • Adrienne realized that with her degrees in chemistry and molecular biology, she learned far fewer practical skills than her friend who went to art school.
  • What is irrelevant to students today in the school system? What needs to be dismantled?


Conflict Resolution

Today's topic: Conflict Resolution

Many people immediately feel stress when they encounter conflict. But conflict is everywhere - exists on a continuum.

People perceive conflict differently:

  • Some people love to be at high levels of conflict; it can be inspirational to them.
  • Some people can only really learn through conflict.

How does conflict get resolved? Here are the possibilities:

  1. dominant model - one person decides what the answer is
  2. compromise - every party gives up something
  3. create something totally new that transcends the conflict.
  4. do nothing.

Communities without conflict are dangerous; it's a sign that something isn't right. Conflict is necessary so that people can gain the capacity to work through problems and then deal with even larger problems the will inevitably come. Conflict is part of being human and part of being alive.

In Tunde's opinion, conflict comes from lack of or poor communication. You are trying to figure out what you want to say and what the other person is really saying back. It's important to have compassion for someone you are in conflict with so that you can better understand what they are saying.

Conflict resolution that is blame oriented is not helpful. An analytical model is perhaps better - what circumstances led to the milk being knocked over and how can this be avoided next time?

Make the conflict impersonal - don't pin the problem on yourself or on the other party. Put the problem in the middle and try to resolve the problem as a collaborative effort.

Non-violent conflict resolution: see Sitting in the Fire by Arnold Mindell. Non violent conflict resolution requires a certain amount of coolness and calm thinking and not everybody has these qualities. You have to be willing to work with others in the style of resolution that they understand.

Some people for whom a loud, in-your-face approach is necessary - they won't listen until you really get a bit confrontational. You have to yell for a bit before they will listen.

Even with Gandhi and MLK, who represent non-violent resistance, the movements themselves had a great deal of conflict within, not just on the outside. Conflict is always present.

Conflicts exist on different scales - so, do approaches to resolution change depending on the scale of the conflict?

Timing is important in addressing conflict - don't wait too long until it is almost forgotten.

Dealing with people who have different conflict resolution styles: are you equipped to deal with people who yell at you? What's the right balance between sitting in the fire and removing yourself from the conflict? Some conflicts are unavoidable, others can be stepped out of.

Listening is an important skill to develop. One of best tools for resolving conflict is to just listen to the other person's concerns. Often all the other person wants is to be heard and acknowledged.

Conflict is often not about you - what triggers someone's emotional reaction might be something completely different, but you're just the person in the wrong place at the wrong time.


The resolution:

  • Do all conflicts have to be resolved to come to some common ground or are there conflicts that have to be resolved so that one of the parties wins?
  • What about not resolving conflicts? Does there always have to be an answer, a resolution? Ask yourself this: from a leadership standpoint, is the conflict going to get worse/better/stay the same if you don't do anything? If you don't address it and it's going to get worse, then you're better off addressing the conflict now before it becomes a bigger problem. The longer you wait, the more people will be impacted by the conflict.
  • This is where accountability and community comes into it. Conflict is always brought to the fore. If you're in a really good accountability and community situation, your coworkers will notice if you're conflicted or having a problem. They will encourage you to talk about it and want to help you to resolve the conflict.
  • Having integrity means having integrity when no one else is around. Talking to others about your decisions, choices, etc helps you to maintain integrity.
  • Develop a process: Having a process in place for dealing with future conflict is helpful, so everyone understands how to proceed in the event a conflict arises.
  • Keep records of how individuals like to deal with conflict to refer to when a conflict arises. Write it down beforehand.
  • In your leadership role, try to identify areas where there will likely be conflict. If you know that a conflict is likely to arise, you can meet it head on or even put processes.


It's implicit in community that we are placing our values on those around us. We try to give each other space, but sometimes our values will collide and conflict.

Perhaps most worrisome are those people who are so sure that their point of view is the only correct one.

It's even possible to hold conflict viewpoints in our own heads (yikes)!

Bob believes that listening effectively means communicating back to the person what you think they are trying to say. That gets you back to the core issue which you can then deal with. Also, you can agree to disagree.

Conflict can be fruitful - creativity process, finding new ways to work together - a great opportunity.

Topic for next week: Growing community while growing a business (Suggested by Juan)